Past Transgressions: A Russian Roulette Love Story Read online

  “It is late, I will give you time to think about it. Think on it hard because if you make the wrong decision, you will regret it.” With those final words, Vadim sat his glass on my coffee table, walked past me, and entered the elevator.

  I watched the doors close. Fuck, my life had turned around dramatically, and now I’d be going back to square one. I couldn’t accept that job, but the consequences of not, I knew could be bloody.

  Chapter 7

  Rae

  I woke up light-headed, dizzy, and nauseous. Clearly, I’d ingested too much vodka while at Alexei’s club.

  Then there was Alexei.

  I’d taken a step over a clear line I’d set for myself. Going in that direction put me in a place I’d only been once and the ramifications of that would haunt me forever. I was a predictable girl, I waited three or more dates before I slept with a guy. A simple kiss at the front door was how dates ended.

  My innocence defined me in a way. I wasn’t like Katya, I didn’t have it in me to be fluid and out there, sleeping with whomever, whenever. I admired her in a way, she didn’t care what anyone thought, and she lived her life freely.

  I couldn’t be free, I was held by the chains of responsibility to myself and to my family. Yet, there was Alexei, he’d broken those chains for an evening. I still felt his mouth devouring mine, his fingers giving me an intense and unstoppable pleasure. He’d broken my binding, and with him, even for a few moments, I was free.

  I sat up in the bed that I’d spent the night in alone as Katya hadn’t returned. I knew the moment she and Igor were together, it would be a wrap. I knew my roommate would eventually wander in gushing about her night with her on and off lover.

  Leaning over the edge of the bed, I picked my cell phone up off the floor. I hadn’t spoken to my mom besides the text I’d sent informing her that Katya and I arrived safely.

  Doing the math in my head, it was late at home, but mom would be up getting ready to watch the ten o’clock news.

  I dialed her number and allowed the line to ring until I heard her voice. That voice always made me smile. Though I had to grow up and mature quickly at an early age, my mom continued to be my rock, even through all our struggles as a family, she held it firmly together. I wish I possessed her strength.

  “Hey, how’s Russia?” she asked, her voice filled with unbridled excitement.

  When I told her about the trip, she screamed, she was so excited for me. No matter the struggles we faced, my mom always pushed me to follow my dreams and desires, though I was stubborn and put many of them on the backburner for her and my sister.

  “It’s great, very beautiful, but very cold,” I told her as I pulled my knees to my chest.

  “Any cute boys?”

  I chuckled at her inquiry and thought of Alexei. I never knew it was possible to melt under the touch of a man so easily. He’d dragged me under, and I didn’t mind that I was drowning in his allure of mystery.

  A sigh escaped me. Our evening together had started off fantastically, but it had to be cut short by the creep that showed up. I felt Alexei’s demeanor change when his security guard had come up. There was something about that man that didn’t rub me right, and obviously, Alexei was repelled by him as well.

  “I heard that, there are cute boys and possibly one in particular?”

  Ugh, my mom knew me entirely too well.

  “Possibly, he’s a nice guy, but it would be a waste of time. I’m coming home in a few weeks, and he will still be here. Nothing to get myself involved in.”

  It wasn’t a time for me to think with my lady bits or my heart, but my strong and competent brain. Yes, he was tender in his own way. Yes, he’d finger fucked me into a state of absolute bliss. But, it wasn’t meant to be, it couldn’t be.

  “Exactly what you need to get involved in. Have a little fun, be a little reckless. You spend so much time worrying about everything and everyone. This trip of yours is for you to live out your own dreams, relax a bit, and have more fun than you normally don’t allow yourself. I promise you will have nothing to regret if you do that. If you don’t and you don’t allow yourself that bit of freedom, you’ll regret it every single day. You hear me?”

  Damn, my mom had a way with words and could force me to wrap my mind around something in a way that I hadn’t before.

  “I’ve spent so much time in these later years regretting not taking more chances when I was younger. I don’t regret the life I’ve lived, I mean, I’ve got you and your sister, but so many opportunities to let my hair down passed me by. I don’t want you to live with the same regrets.”

  “Yeah,” I answered, my mind working in overdrive trying to shut down the overpowering feelings of my heart. I knew there was this connection with Alexei, but I’d fought it tooth and nail until last night, until he showed me his desires for me.

  Though, that is all they could have been, desires. Desires got people into binds and bad places, they forced people to make heart wrenching decisions, I knew those decisions well.

  “The news is starting. Call me later. Please, I want to hear more and send pictures,” she said hurriedly. I knew how my mom had to catch the ten o’clock news and how the first few minutes were the most important. “I love you, Rae, I beg you to follow your heart.”

  “Love you too, mom,” I cooed before ending the call.

  Setting the phone on the bed, the door to the bedroom opened. Katya strode in, still in last night’s clothes, a grin on her face. Clearly, things had gone well with Igor, but it how long that would last, nobody was to know.

  “Someone is happy,” I commented lightly, and Katya threw herself to the bed with a dramatic sigh. “Oh God, you are so sprung on him, it’s kind of ridiculous.” I laughed at her as she held her heart.

  Katya turned to her stomach and propped herself up on her elbows and peered at me. She didn’t say a word, but just looked at me, her smile still plastered on her face.

  “I had good night, and you?” she questioned.

  “It was decent,” I answered.

  “Only decent. Oh no, there was no fuck, was there?”

  I rolled my eyes at my friend.

  “What go wrong? Igor and I went back, and I no find you. I no find Alexei either. I figure you alone and he pounding you hard. I know I had good pounding. Mmmm, Igor—”

  “Yes, yes, Igor and his big dick. I know.”

  “It was nice. I missed him much,” Katya cooed as she gushed over the guy who held her heart on a thin string. “Why you no fuck Alexei?”

  “We had a good time. He took me to his apartment, but a business matter came up. He got me a car back here. He says we will hang out again. I honestly enjoyed the club and the little time I spent with him,” I told her.

  The way Alexei kissed me was seared into my mind and into my lips. His strong hands on my body, pulling me in close. The way he touched me and gave me such intense pleasure in such a small amount of time. I could only wonder what else he could do to me, how much louder could he make me scream. This man had me already, yet I barely knew him.

  “I shower, we have food, then I want to shop. I still need Christmas present for Mama,” Katya said as she jumped from the bed and began to dig through one of her suitcases.

  Katya and I bounced from store to store, but nothing she found was perfect for her mom. I didn’t mind it though, I enjoyed being out and experiencing more of Russia.

  Oddly, I found myself getting used to the crippling cold. Lucky for me, during our last shopping trip, we’d found the perfect coat for me, and it kept me nice and toasty, along with the giant furry hat I was now sporting.

  Both of our stomachs were grumbling after what I felt to be the fifteenth store. Katya steered us onto a street that she said was home to her favorite cafe. It was a quaint little place where I got myself a perfectly hot cappuccino.

  I sipped away at my drink as my friend watched me with a mischievous look on her face.

  “What?” I asked her, sitting my small cup on th
e saucer that accompanied it.

  “Tell me, what happened with cousin?” she instantly asked, her elbows on the table and chin resting on the back of her hands awaiting all the juicy details of my evening with Alexei that was cut short.

  “I told you, we went to his apartment and hung out,” I said leaving out the most vital information. I wasn’t the most comfortable discussing my sex life in a busy cafe.

  Katya let out an exasperated sigh at my answer. I shook my head, she knew there was more and knowing Katya, she would bug me until she got it out of me.

  “Serious, I tell about Igor,” she groaned.

  She had told me about her night with Igor, every single agonizing detail. I knew how he took her home in a cab, he’d felt her up the entire time on the cab until they reached his place. They barely made it in the door of his apartment and her dress was already off. He’d fucked her in every position possible throughout the night, and she couldn’t get enough.

  “Okay.” I’d given up, I would be telling her sooner or later. “We danced, went to his place, we kissed.”

  “Ohhhhh!” Katya was clapping her hands together in excitement, eyes of other restaurant patrons on us as she squealed with excitement.

  “Can’t you keep it down?”

  “Sorry, continue.”

  “We kissed, and things were getting hot when he got a visitor.”

  “Who?”

  “I don’t know, some creepy guy, Alexei wasn’t happy about it.”

  Katya froze, the look in her eye was telling, she knew something, what did she know exactly? She’d told me he had trouble in his early years, but now he owned one of the hottest clubs in the city and was obviously doing well for himself.

  “Do you know who is visitor was?” I asked her, intent on knowing something.

  “I do not.” she said with a shrug, taking a sip of her hot tea.

  Our food arrived, and the both of us dug into the goodness that we both couldn’t wait to fill our stomachs. I wondered about what Katya knew and didn’t know. I wondered about the man that showed up, how he seemed to eat me up with his eyes, it had honestly been scary. Though through my fear, there was something about being there with Alexei, his arms around me, as if he was protecting me. I’d never had that feeling of protection over me, and as much as it was new, I wanted more of it in my life.

  “Tell me more about him, Alexei,” I said as I sat my fork down on the edge of my place. The connection I shared with him was unreal, something out of a novel, not something that happened in real life. I needed to know more about the man who enticed me.

  “His father died, Alexei and Tsvetana move here. Alexei was like brother and is. When he was teenager, he found himself in much trouble, stupid shit. He went to prison, that is where he meet Igor.” Katya intrigued me with the new information, the fact that Alexei had gone to prison and that’s where he’d met the man Katya was head over heels with.

  “He got out and was living big life. I mean big—fast cars, money, and girls. His ex, she was big bitch. Tsvetana was not happy, and last year he made big change. He got the club and it was instant hit. He is good guy, perfect for you. Alexei is much like you.”

  “Yeah, you said he concerns himself with taking care of everyone,” I commented, remembering Katya’s words.

  “Always everyone, not him, just like you.”

  I glanced out of the window of the cafe. I thought about everything I’d been through, it was much different than everything Alexei had been through, but both of us has this spirit of helping and loving. He was so much like me in ways only the two of us would understand.

  Chapter 8

  Alexei

  Sleeping was impossible. There were so many things on my mind. First, the visit I’d received from Vadim. Next, there was Rae who took up every other part of my brain. There was the way her body reacted to mine and how she obviously wanted more from our time together. I had to get alone with her again, it was time to give her all she craved, it was time for her to scream my name with all her might.

  I kept catching myself with thoughts of her. The taste of her still lingered in my mouth, the taste of her lips and delectable pussy. If it was the last thing I did, I’d own every bit of her. The best part, I knew how badly she wanted to be owned by me.

  My alarm blared, and my hand came out from the blankets and shut off the insufferable noise. I’d been awake anyway, tossing and turning.

  The pressing matter of the day was the fact that Vadim expected an answer and he expected it soon. I had to stall and figure out a way around it, it was the only thing I could do. I refused to have the blood of another human being on my hands, not again. He knew that part of my life was over, yet, he was trying to force me back into that space of no return, only I’d managed to return from it.

  Getting ready for the day, I stood under the hot spray of the shower, my hand on my dick, thinking of Rae. We hadn’t made it farther than my fingers giving her just the pleasure she needed, but I ached to fuck her. That ass of hers was begging to be spanked and pussy begging to be fucked as hard as it could be. I wanted to fuck her in every position I could manage to get her in.

  It was too much for me, one hand on my cock and the other on the wall, I grunted at my release hit me like a ton of bricks. Her name slipped from my lips, and that solidified it: Rae was mine.

  Responsibilities got in the way of rushing to my aunt’s apartment and having my way with Rae. There were shipments coming in, and I had to oversee them. I ran my club efficiently, and I made sure everything was in place, and nothing went awry. Maybe I ran things too closely, but I didn’t want to chance it. Any slip would send a successful business down the drain.

  The numbers on the clipboard were starting to blend together, but I forced myself through the exhaustion to get my inventory square. That was one thing about running a club, the late nights didn’t give way to the office work that needed to be done during the day.

  “You’re an old man Alexei,” a voice called from my right. I was sitting on a barstool and turned to see him, Igor. “You need glasses now?”

  He’d noticed my latest accessory. I’d only had them a few months, but they came in handy to not strain my eyes when going over all the numbers I had to deal with on a daily.

  I scowled at him wondering why he was in my club when I’d clearly told him to keep out and away. That fucker had no business lurking around where he wasn’t welcome, and he’d learn to keep off my property.

  Hopping off the stool, I reached behind the counter where I stored my gun. Though I ran an honest business, there were those who wished to make the lives of people like me a misery and protected was needed. Lucky for me, I knew how to use my weapon when needed.

  Pointing the gun directly in Igor’s face, he laughed at me.

  “You wouldn’t kill me,” he mocked. “What would Katya think?”

  At the mention of my cousin, I dropped my arm, the gun no longer pointed at the man I considered trash. I inhaled deeply before flexing my neck and arms to loosen up. Igor had placed me on edge, and I could almost feel the warmth of his blood dripping through my fingers and the excitement I used to feel at that.

  “Don’t speak of my cousin,” I shot instantly as I placed the gun back behind the counter and turned back to the man who was once my partner in crime.

  “She speaks of me. Matter of fact, she screams my name like the sweet one she is. The best part, even after not seeing her for a long time, her mouth can still do a glorious job at sucking my dick.” Igor was enjoying himself, trying to egg me on by talking about Katya the way he did.

  “Tell me why you are here,” I demanded. My biggest concern was getting the stench of Igor away from my business.

  Igor strolled away and towards the empty dance floor. He twiddled his thumbs, trying to keep me in suspense. He turned his back, lighting up a cigarette and only sending my blood boiling. He knew better than this, he knew I could be lethal with my bare hands.

  I stalked towards him, g
rabbed him by the collar, and spun him to me. That’s when I saw it, the fear that twinkled behind his eyes. He knew my patience was wearing thing and there wouldn’t be much longer until I’d stopped his heart.

  “The boss,” Igor started as I let him go, shoved him away, sending him tripping over his feet. He righted himself and faced me, the anxiety and fear still lingering in him. “The boss, he wants an answer.”

  “I don’t have an answer,” I spat.

  “He knows and says he doesn’t need you taking your time on this one. He wants an answer in the next few days.” Igor had been a loyal pet, a messenger.

  “I’ll see what I can do. Now, get the fuck out of my club and stay the fuck away from my cousin. She doesn’t need you around, dragging her in before you break the sweet strands of her sanity that she gives to you willingly. She’s not a puppet.” Those were my parting words to him as I started back towards the bar, Igor didn’t deserve more of my precious time.

  “I know she’s not,” his voice said from the spot he still occupied. “I care about it, it’s just that—”

  “You don’t have the balls to leave the family. They will only hurt you in the end, and in turn, Katya gets hurt. Do you want Katya to get hurt?”

  “No.”

  “Thought so. Do what is right for her, not for you.”

  I should be taking my own advice. With the family trying to drag me back into the depths of hell, I should leave Rae alone. I should let her continue her trip without my disturbances. It wasn’t as if we would get anywhere further than fucking. Rae would get on the plane back to America without a thought towards me.

  Though the more I tried to convince myself to follow my advice, the more I was drawn to her. I had to see her and touch her. I’d run my thumb over her cheek, kiss her plump lips, and grip her round ass. I was done for all because of this girl. I killed for a living, but was brought to my knees by the sensuality of one American goddess.