Past Transgressions: A Russian Roulette Love Story Read online

  When I was able to make it home, it was like this, family and friends coming together to greet me upon arrival. The difference was, there wasn’t a moment to relax as home meant more work. My family didn’t come from the best circumstances, and when I got home, I had to do my part.

  My appetite wasn’t the best after all the traveling, but in order to not be rude, I ate what I could. I didn’t recognize many items on my plate, but I did know the cabbage rolls. Whenever Katya was feeling homesick, she would bust out her apron and make her grandma’s recipe.

  The front door opened. I couldn’t believe that anyone else could fit into the apartment.

  Taking a quick glance at the front door, I spotted the latest addition to the party. It was hard to make out much about the man as he was dressed in a thick black coat, furry hat, and scarf.

  Putting my fork to my mouth, I took the final bite of my cabbage roll and pushed my plate to the side.

  My eyes darted up to find the man out of his winter gear. His back was turned to me, he wore what seemed to be a black button-up shirt with dark jeans. His shoulders were broad and wide, his stance was dominating and powerful.

  He turned to face the room, it was as if from that moment, he owned the room. I inhaled sharply, finally able to see his face.

  His nose was large, bold, and straight. A hint of a smile on his thin lips. I’d seen a photo of him somewhere, he was a relative of Katya.

  My eyes never left him as he fully entered the room. He walked straight to Tsvetana who he hugged and kissed on the cheek, he followed with Babushka, and a host of other relatives before he arrived at Katya.

  The newest guest picked Katya up into his arms and swung her around, Katya in a fit of excited squeals and giggles.

  I wondered who this stranger was, I wondered why the moment his eyes met mine, I felt an intense yearning inside.

  Chapter 2

  Alexei

  The morning hadn’t gone as planned. There’d been much to attend to at my work and place of business. I owned a thriving nightclub in the hottest neighborhood in St. Petersburg. My first call in the morning was a delayed shipment of alcohol and my next call, one of my best and most reliable bartenders was quitting, this of all days, before New Years.

  I put on a brave face though, my younger cousin, one who was almost a sister to me, Katya, was arriving from the United States. My family was throwing her a welcome home party, and there was no doubt of me going.

  The worst part of the morning came when I got that last phone call, I wasn’t going to answer it, yet I did. They wanted me back in the game, those who I’d distanced myself from over the past year. I wasn’t a part of that lifestyle anymore.

  I gave them my answer, a simple and definitive, no.

  Arriving at the apartment building where my mother, aunt, and grandmother lived, I made my way up to my aunt and grandmother’s apartment where the party was.

  From all the way up the hall, I could hear the loud and excited voices of my family members. If there was any opportunity to get together, they went for it and today was no exception.

  Greeted by the warmth of the apartment, I removed my layers before I found my mother. I hugged and kissed her. My mother was the reason I was the man I was.

  My dad wasn’t around for us, and when I was ten, he was murdered. The lifestyle he chose was the reason he died, I foolishly spent an amount of time in that same space and lifestyle. My mother was the reason I left it all behind and made myself a success.

  “You work out too much,” she fussed as I held her tightly. I snickered at my mother’s remark. “I know the muscles are hot, but you are killing your dainty mommy.”

  “I need to be buff to take care of your mom,” I noted, giving her a grin.

  “Yes, we need to talk. Later though, later.”

  The look in her eyes was telling, something wasn’t right.

  I shook the feeling and went to my aunt, grandmother, and a few other relatives before I found the blonde that this entire celebration was for.

  Katya was my little cousin and nearly my sister. After my dad died, mom and I moved from Moscow where we’d lived with dad. Mom got an apartment in the same building where my aunt and grandmother lived. Katya was only five at the time and nearly glued herself to my side from the moment we arrived.

  “Sestra!” I boomed, calling her sister, as I grabbed her delicate and skinny frame into my arms and picked her up.

  “Put me down!” she squealed in an intense fit of laughter.

  The moment I placed her to her feet, I spotted someone across the room. She stood out from everyone else.

  Smooth looking chocolate skin drew me in as my eyes met hers. Even sitting, I could see her round curves, unlike any of the girls I knew in Russia. The one’s who had them, they were manufactured in some warehouse. Hers were with no doubt, natural.

  The lids of her eyes fluttered down as she diverted her gaze from mine. I urged to know who she was and everything about her.

  Jolting myself from my thoughts, I tried to ignore my mind screaming at me to talk to her. I wasn’t the man who instantly noticed a woman or had desires for her. Women caused drama I didn’t have time for. I knew too well with my ex.

  I told myself to ignore the unfamiliar urges.

  Vodka, I needed vodka immediately.

  Pouring myself a drink from my family’s large stash, I worked to keep my eyes from diverting to the beauty in the corner. Her dark brown curls were pulled up, with a few strands left down framing her round face. Her lips were plump and drew me into her face. Eyes, almond, and a light honey brown.

  “Who the fuck is the girl?” I asked another cousin who stood not far from me. I motioned over to the delicate beauty. Katya sat with her, the two of them immersed into conversation.

  “Friend of Katya,” I was told.

  I shrugged before taking a sip of the liquid, the heat sliding down my throat.

  The warmth of her eyes on me was searing, I shrugged it away.

  “Alexei son, I need to talk to you,” came the stern calling of my mother’s voice.

  I nodded and followed her into an empty side room.

  The sounds of the party echoed through to the room as my mother closed the door behind her.

  Seeing the face of the blonde woman that stood before me, I knew something wasn’t right. Concern was written in every frown line and crow feet.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked immediately.

  “This morning, when we were coming from the airport, I got a call.”

  “A call?”

  “It was from them. Are you running with them again?”

  “No,” I insisted. They acted fast. I’d only just denied the request, and my mother was already receiving calls. “They called me this morning. I was asked to do a job, I told them no. I’m fucking smarter than that, you know that mom.”

  “I know, but I worry.”

  “Don’t. I’m not doing that again, ever.”

  “I hope not.”

  “What did they say?” I was curious and eager to know what these people would dare say to my mother. I always kept her out of it as best I could, but sometimes that life hit too close to home and those I loved.

  “They said to tell you to do what was right.”

  I laughed.

  “Do what’s right? Really? Doing what’s right would be to not involve myself with their business and their kind. That’s doing what the fuck is right.”

  My past was something I worked extremely hard to put behind me. The way I made my living wasn’t the most admirable or legal. I’d spent years of my life working for a criminal organization. I worked my way through the ranks until I found my calling.

  Thinking of it as a calling made me snicker. I was gifted at doing one simple thing, taking the lives of others. I made my money stopping hearts, literally.

  It was impossible to forget the day my mom found out what I was doing. She knew of my dealings and workings in the mob, I flaunted it around like an idiot
. I wanted to be just like my dad, foolish.

  Over a year ago, it clicked for me. I needed out. I had an entire life ahead of me. A life I possibly didn’t deserve with all the dead bodies I’d racked up over time, but I wanted to live what I had left. Hell, my biggest concern was making sure my mom could be proud of me, her only child.

  “Alexei, I know that you know what you’re doing. I only ask that you are careful. I refuse to lose you too. I’ve already lived without the man I love because of them, I’m not losing you too.”

  I saw the tears in my mother’s eyes. She was in a state of a mixed sadness and anger. She’d been angry with me for the path I’d chosen earlier in life and she was sad that I was being pestered to return to that life once more.

  “It will be fine, as I said, don’t fucking worry.”

  Pulling the blonde that birthed me and raised me into my arms, I hugged her tight and placed a kiss on the top of her blonde locks.

  “Come, let’s go back to the party,” my mother said, sniffing away her sadness. She pulled herself up and put on her happy face.

  Maybe that is where I learned it from. Even in the face of adversity, I could place a look of happiness on my face when I was dying inside. My mother taught me how to do that. As a kid, she’d begged my dad to leave the mob, but he’d been in it so long, he knew nothing else.

  When dad died, she kept her charade going. Through her pain and sorrow, she smiled and did what she could for me on her own. I grew to mimic her.

  Re-entering the living room, I was instantly waved over by my cousin. Going to her meant facing the beauty that sat with her.

  It was time to put on the mask. I knew how to hide my interior and only allow my solid exterior to show.

  To most who saw me, at first glance, I was intimidating. I stood at 6’3”, muscles bulging, face rock hard. You’d think even a bullet couldn’t take me. You’d imagine me to be this force to be reckoned with, and I was, but at the same time, I had a heart. There were very few people who were allowed to see that heartbeat.

  Katya sat with the goddess that my eyes refused to divert from. I sat down next to my cousin to force myself from staring.

  “Cousin,” Katya started in English. “This is Rae, she is roommate in America.”

  I wasn’t the most confident in my English, but I wasn’t going to look like a fucking loser in front of the girl I’d learned was American.

  Allowing my eyes to take stock of her. I took a shallow breath before opening my mouth.

  “Hello.” Immediately I felt like an idiot. “I am Alexei.”

  “Alexei, hi.” From the moment I heard her sweet voice, I wanted to hear more. I had to keep her talking. I could listen to the sugary goodness that emerged from her mouth all day and all night, perfection.

  Being close to her, I was able to take in her plump and glossed lips. Her hair was quite long but pulled back. Her nose was set wide, but it wasn’t too big. Her eyelashes were long, and with every moment they fluttered delicately.

  “Do you know where I can find Igor?” Katya asked, returning to Russian with me.

  Anger filled every crevice of me at the mention of his name. The name of a person I used to consider a best friend, he was no longer friend, but I considered him my enemy.

  My eyes shot daggers at Katya, my hands balling into fists.

  I knew of the relationship Katya and Igor had in the past. He’d strung her along for a long time, years in fact. Katya deserved better and shouldn’t even be with a person like him.

  When I left the mob, Igor stayed behind. He told me that I was turning my back on a family. He’d made me out to be a traitor and not loyal. With that, I cut him from my life, he was dead to me, pure dirt.

  “You know I do not speak to that piece of trash,” I growled. “You deserve better and shouldn’t align yourself with shit like him.”

  “I’m an adult.”

  “You’ve been saying that forever, and every time he hurts you. Be an adult and grow the fuck up. Move on from him.”

  “Whatever, you’re an asshole,” Katya shot angrily as she stood, leaving me alone with her friend who seemed confused.

  There was silence between the two of us, the tension— awkward.

  “You like Russia?” I asked, feeling extremely awkward using the English I never used.

  “I haven’t seen much yet, but from what I have seen, I love it.” There was a way that her face lit up and glowed when she spoke. It drew me into her anxious for more.

  “You must see, it is nice place.”

  Her soft smile brought a feeling to me that I’d never experienced. I was a mix of intrigued and scared.

  I moved in closer to her, inhaling a scent of citrus that filled my nostrils.

  Her eyes studied me, I allowed her to take me in. Soft brown irises bounced around observing me from head to toe. Her breath shallow, chest moving up and down, her palms clearly sweating. I allowed a small smile to creep to my face, I made her nervous, that was sweet.

  “You are good friend with Katya?”

  “Yes, we were roommates our freshman year and we’ve been friends since.”

  “Freshman year?” There I was, feeling stupid again.

  “The first year of college.”

  “Oh.”

  “Yeah, she’s my best friend.”

  “That is nice. Katya is good girl.”

  “She’s great. Though right now she’s uber anxious.”

  “Why she anxious?”

  “Igor.”

  I frowned at the mention of his name.

  “I take it that you don’t like him?” Rae questioned, she moved her head to one side. A look of intrigue on her face. I wouldn’t tell her everything, but I could tell she wanted to protect Katya as I also did.

  “He not good for Katya.”

  “Why?”

  “You ask many questions.”

  “Just looking out for my friend.”

  “I tell, thank you. Katya needs good friend like you.”

  This one was different from every girl I’d met in Russia. She asked an abundance of questions, and even through her nerves, she stuck with it. There wasn’t a sign of her backing down, just moving forward.

  “Why is Igor not good for Katya?” she asked, her eyes looking directly into mine.

  I didn’t know a thing about this girl beside her being American and a friend of my cousin, but the urge to grab her, pin her down on that very couch and fuck her overtook me. I needed an out and quickly.

  “He broke her heart. He is shit,” I answered her, shaking away my manly urges. Though her V-neck shirt gave me the perfect few of her tits. The way they jiggled was hypnotizing and indicated how real they were, I preferred them real.

  “I wouldn’t disagree, but maybe he deserves a chance. She’s been hung up on him for a long time. I hope it doesn’t end like it always does.”

  “Same.”

  A silence fell between the two of us. I saw her attempting to not look my way. Her hand went to one of the strands of curls left free, a finger moving her curls behind her ear.

  I’d always been an observant person, I assumed that it is what helped me in my days as a hitman for the mob. I had to know every detail of a person in order to kill them at just the right moment. I had to watch and learn, while being a chameleon, blending in, getting a feel for everything about them.

  “Rae, come here!” Katya called from across the room.

  I glared at my cousin as the sexy creature that was Rae stood. Though I should have thanked Katya instead. I was then able to see Rae from another angle.

  Standing, her frame was curvier that it appeared. Her waist was small, yet her hips wide and swaying with each step she took towards my cousin. I’d never personally encountered an ass so round. My hands ached in the desire to touch it, spank it, call it my own.

  “Fuck,” I hissed under my breath.

  Grabbing a throw pillow, I placed it strategically on my crotch. Watching her walk, alone, it made me hard f
or her.

  Rae was something else, and though she would only be here a few weeks, she was someone I wanted to get close to.

  Chapter 3

  Rae

  Cuddled into warmth, I dreamed of him. From the moment I met him, he ran through my mind.

  I dreamed of his large hands, holding me close, his arms keeping me secured to his chest, and his lips on mine, claiming them for himself. I imagined the feeling of his tongue exploring my body, his hands forcing me down and ripping off my clothes, my voice screaming his name.

  Sighing, I hugged the blanket closer, still lost in my dream world. My name being called, I only wished it was his voice, in his adorably broken English.

  There was nothing I knew about this man except for what I’d learned from Katya. He was her older cousin that she considered a brother. He also used to be friends with her ex, but apparently, their relationship went sour and possibly from the way Igor had done Katya.

  It was something I couldn’t understand, how an attraction so instant drew me to him, a man I honestly didn’t know.

  “Bitch, get up,” Katya’s voice growled. “We have day to do.”

  I mumbled before stretching. Opening my eyes, Katya stood over me, a smirk on her red lips. She must have been up for some time as she was already in full makeup for the day.

  “You like him,” she squealed joyfully.

  “Like who?” I questioned while sitting up.

  “Alexei, my cousin. You like him.”

  “How do you know?” I shot, my hands clapping over my mouth at my slip.

  “You say his name in sleep,” she affirmed.

  I couldn’t believe it, yet I could, I’d been known to talk in my sleep. It was something Katya and I had in common. I remembered our first nights together sharing a small dorm room and Katya mumbling in Russian. Now, I was used to it and I would pass her room to hear her chatting away in her native language.

  “You like my cousin. He is nice guy. Yesterday he was asshole.”

  “About Igor?”

  “Yes, you know?”