Past Transgressions: A Russian Roulette Love Story Read online

  “There is no wrong. I have much on my mind. I go out for a small while. What will you do today?” she asked as she crossed the room toward the door.

  Just like with Alexei, I wouldn’t push it. I knew what it was like when something was going on, but you just weren’t ready to talk about it yet. I knew it would be best to wait for when Katya and Alexei were ready to talk about their problems.

  “Rest and wait for Alexei to come get me,” I told her.

  “Sounds fun.” Katya turned to the door and pulled it open.

  “Katya!”

  “Yes, Rae?” She turned back to face me.

  “I’m here to talk, if you ever need it. I know you know that already, but I wanted to remind you. I’m your best friend for a reason,” I informed her anxiously.

  A knowing smile came to Katya’s face. I’d never had a friend like her. I’d never felt I could totally trust one person with my every secret and deepest passions. She never judged me and always was there for me. I’d done my best to do the same for her, and she knew it.

  “I know. Right now, I must not talk. Later.”

  “I’m cool with that. See you around.” I waved to her before she left the room behind.

  From the entrance way of the apartment building, I watched Alexei pull up in his SUV. I bounced from the building, the large curls of my hair bouncing as I rushed through the deadly cold air to the vehicle, my overnight bag over my shoulder, packed with everything I needed to escape with Alexei for the next few days.

  Alexei got out of the car and opened the door for me. He planted a kiss on my lips as I began to climb into the passenger seat. With a smack, Alexei slapped my behind before I plopped down into the seat, turning to give him a mock dirty look as he grinned at me, closing the door.

  I watched him circle the car before he got into the driver’s seat.

  “Did you have rest?” Alexei asked as he began to drive up the snow and ice covered street.

  “A bit,” I responded as I watched his face, a grin coming to his lips before he slightly turned to me.

  “Good. You will need much energy.”

  “Why?”

  “Because, I will fuck all night, Kisska.”

  I allowed a shallow breath go as his hand slid over my jean covered thigh and between my legs. With Alexei, it wasn’t just the sex, it wasn’t just our connection, and it wasn’t the way he made me feel, beautiful and desired. It was an accumulation of it all and that feeling of forever that encompassed me when with him.

  There was a comfort I’d felt in his presence since day one. It was almost as if I knew from our first moment that I could trust him with everything about myself. I could trust him with my deepest and darkest secrets and the most sacred thing—my heart.

  Alexei turned on the radio, the car was filled with the sounds of classical music. The symphony playing strong and Alexei’s fingers tapping on the steering wheel, I watched him and smiled as he snuck a peek at me.

  “It is Tchaikovsky,” he noted.

  “I never pegged you as a classical person.”

  “You cannot be Russian and not have appreciate good Russian music. Yes, I like the classical, it gives me calm,” he explained as we continued to move through the streets of St. Petersburg, the melodic sounds of Tchaikovsky playing as we went.

  Arriving at the building I knew was the club, Alexei pulled the car to the back and towards a large garage door. With a press of a button, the door began to open, and once there was room, Alexei drove inside.

  There were two rows of cars from SUVs similar to the one we were in, to sports cars that looked as if they would drive one hundred miles per hour at the slightest tap on the gas.

  “I’m going to take a wild guess and say all of these belong to you,” I mentioned as Alexei parked the car we were in. He simply nodded before jumping out of the driver’s seat and jogging to the passenger side. He opened the door like a gentleman and helped me from the car before he grabbed my overnight bag in the backseat.

  I now knew where the elevator originated as we took it straight from the garage to the apartment where Alexei placed my bag near his bed, and I wandered towards the floor to ceiling window where we shared our first kiss.

  It was only around 3:45 in the afternoon and the sun was beginning to set. I watched the way the orange glow settled over the city as I listened to Alexei fiddling around in the kitchen.

  Turning to face the kitchen, I saw him, now without a shirt as he stood at the counter chopping vegetables. I was intrigued and sauntered to the tattooed covered man.

  I stood next to Alexei and placed a soft kiss on his bicep before settling my head on it and watching what he was doing. I felt his lips press to the top of my head. Comfortable, that’s what we were as we stood without words in his kitchen while he worked to make a meal for us.

  Breaking my silence, I inquired about what he was making.

  “Schi,” he said in response as he chopped the cabbage. “It is cabbage and meat soup.”

  “Learning more things,” I said with a grin, peering up at him. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

  “I spend many days with Babushka, she teach well.”

  “She does, Katya makes delicious cabbage rolls that she says she learned from your grandmother,” I informed him. “I should learn a few things before I go. I’m a decent cook, but I can always learn to make new things.”

  “I like your want for learning. It is much sexy.” He slipped a hand behind me and over my ass before giving it a squeeze, that was followed by a smack that made me squeal. “Do you want television, for watch?”

  “No, I’d rather watch you.”

  And I did. I stayed in the kitchen the entire time as Alexei prepared our soup. We talked about anything that came up from the fact that he was named after his Babushka, whose name was Alexa, to an in depth talk about my sister. Alexei was a great listener, and I was able to tell him about some of my fears when it came to my family, as well as the things that made me happy about them.

  Alexei placed a lid on his pot and turned to face me as I sat on the counter, sipping a glass of wine. His sensual gaze fell upon me, and I felt my stomach flip as I leaned towards him.

  His strong hands took hold of my knees before sliding up my jittering legs towards my inner thighs.

  “Do you have scare?” he asked me, concern in his look.

  “No,” I whispered as he gripped my thighs tight. I moaned at his strength and dominance, surrendering myself to Alexei.

  Pushing my thighs apart, Alexei placed his body between them and leaned towards me, his lips hovering just over mine, close, but just not close enough. His hot breath burned over my mouth that ached for his lips to me on mine.

  “Kisska,” he murmured, lips barely brushing mine and tampering with my sanity. I wanted to beg him to kiss me, to take me, to fuck me, to love me. “No speak, I know.”

  He took my mouth with his and his tongue teased my lips apart. We were in his kitchen, a mess of wild and reckless abandon with heat burning between us.

  I wrapped my legs around him, bringing him in closer before he picked me up from the counter with me holding on tight, his lips never leaving mine as he carried me to his bed.

  My body was laid down on the soft blankets and I gazed up at Alexei and I was greeted with his large muscular chest and abs that evoked a tingle at the junction between my thighs.

  The man it took no time for me to fall for, leaned over the bed, and took my ankles into his hands before dragging me toward him at the edge of the bed. My panties were yanked down my legs and tossed away, my legs were spread wide, and Alexei instantly lowered his face between my legs.

  He’s taken no time at all, pulling me to an impending explosion. My hips rose from the bed to grind against his mouth, taking all I could get from him as my uncontrollable moans fill the room.

  Alexei’s tongue lapping at my aching clit, he pressed two fingers into me and there I found myself ready to fall apart at the thrusting of his hand.<
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  I screamed at the sudden feeling of his teeth nibbling on my nub of pleasure. The man between my thighs knew how to bring me pleasure in ways I’d never had before, and it only made me more crazed for him.

  “I must hear, beg, beg to come,” Alexei demanded before his teeth nipped my clit again.

  “Please Alexei, I want to come. Please, please, oh please,” I begged him, heat filling my anxious limbs.

  “Come,” he simply instructed, and I let go, my body shaking at the elation that took over my entire being.

  Alexei rose from the bed and began to unbutton his jeans. He stood, handsome, hypnotic, and powerful. My eyes were glued as he stepped from his jeans, taking his hard dick into his hands, stroking it as he watched me in my entranced state.

  “Turn,” he said as he made a motion to sign that he wanted me on my hands and knees. I turned over as instructed and waited for his touch that didn’t take too long to come as he gripped my hips before giving me a smack on my behind. “I need to fuck, Kisska.”

  “Yes, fuck me,” I moaned as he filled me.

  In no time, his body was slapping into mine, and I purred beneath his touch. No wonder he called me pussycat. I was a docile kitten under his command and touch.

  Pulling out of me, he flipped me onto my back and spread my legs, positioned himself between them, and pressed back into me. He ran his fingers under the hem of my shirt and wrestled it along with my bra off me, exposing my naked torso. Alexei’s fingers grazed over my chest, my nipples pebbled at his touch, and his lips joined his fingers, pulling one perk bud between his lips.

  “I’m going to come,” I breathed between my hurried breaths as I felt the pleasure building in me.

  He kissed me, my lips softening under his before I moaned into his mouth, my climax growing and his thrusts growing harder and harder. His hand grabbed up one of my legs, throwing it over his shoulder as he fucked me with everything in him, the mattress shifting with each hard thrust until I screamed his name and he yelped mine.

  Collapsing onto the bed, Alexei pulled me into his arms, and I felt my wild and reckless abandon. I smiled to myself, Ms. Responsible, she’d gone far away, and reckless never felt so good.

  I awoke to Alexei’s gentle lips raining kisses across my shoulder and collarbone. I fluttered my eyes open and peered at him. His ice blue irises were on my brown ones instantly before he kissed my lips gently.

  “What time is it?” I asked him as I could hear the pounding of music, which I knew came from the club below us. I stretched my limbs and groaned.

  “Only early, nearly one,” he told me as I nodded and yawned.

  “You couldn’t sleep?” I asked of him.

  “No.”

  I leaned my head onto his chest, the city lights shining through the windows and giving just enough light for me to observe his tattoos that I began to trace with the tip of my finger.

  “They are beautiful,” I whispered.

  “I hate them. They are of old life.”

  Resting my chin on his chest, I gazed into his eyes, wanting to know more, but not willing to ask him outright. Katya had told me generally about Alexei’s troubles in the past and that he’d turned his life around, but he’d kept fairly tight-lipped about it with me.

  “I know you have want to learn. Most I got in prison. I have much trouble in past. I was not good person, I have wonder if I am still not good person.” He peered away from me as he spoke.

  “From what I know, you’re an amazing person.”

  “I give question of it.

  “You are, I know it. I fell in love with you for it.” My stomach clenched at expressing my love for him. I’d never felt so strongly about love with someone else before. I was excited and scared at the same time. “Tell me more.”

  “My past does not have light. Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely, I love you, and I don’t care what your past looks like. I love who you are now, and your past is a part of that.” I kissed him as he held me tighter.

  He took a breath and peered off into the distance. “When I was young, my father was not good man, but I had much proud of him. I had want to be like and he died because of his evil. I did not listen to Mama, and I went to be like father. I was worse. I have much regret of it now. I work to be good man, to care for Mama and family. The tattoos remind of my bad life.”

  “Do you consider them a reminder of who not to be?” I asked, intrigued.

  “They remind every day. It is hard because the past returns, it keeps me in a prison.”

  “You don’t have to be. Fight your past, it doesn’t have to hold you down.”

  “This is my reason for love of you, it brings fight. I fight to be with you,” he confessed, his fingers stroking my cheek. “I have thoughts, maybe I don’t deserve the love you bring. Maybe, I am not allow the healing.”

  “Everyone deserves to heal and everyone despite who they used to be deserves love. I love you, and I don’t think I can ever unlove you, no matter your past and the hold it has on you today.” My heart was squeezed and tears formed in my eyes. I could never go back to who I was before, not after loving Alexei.

  “There is problem, the past I have brings large danger, and I cannot see you have pain. Not pain because of me.” He was talking about what happened to him, the reason he’d been beaten. I swallowed, anxiety filling me, but I suppressed it. I’d never been one to run away scared and surrender to anything or anyone.

  “Let the danger come, I want to be with you, no matter what.”

  With my final words, Alexei’s calloused hands grabbed my face and pulled my lips to his, kissing me with every bit of strength he could muster up, delivering every tidbit of his love to me.

  Chapter 14

  Alexei

  Basking in the feel of her next to me, I kept her close, feeling her curves mold to my body. I couldn’t ask for anything more than the quiet moments of holding Rae close. Her breaths were long and calming as she slept. I wondered about her dreams with each inhale and exhale, slight movement, and sigh.

  I’d just returned from the club. There was work I’d avoided, and it had to be done for the big New Year’s Eve party. My club was the number one ticket in town, and every element had to be perfect.

  Rae and I spent two days sequestered in my apartment, not allowing the world in and living in our own personal existence. Her days here were ticking away, she and Katya were set to leave the day after Christmas, a week away.

  And it was the morning of New Year’s Eve, the day I was to give Vadim my answer. I had to gain a week, just a week before Rae was gone and I could handle business without her in the crosshairs.

  A small moan came from the beautiful woman whose naked frame laid in my bed. I’d made love to her more times than I could count and I held her tight in every moment I could have.

  We’d avoided the subject, how we were to do the long-distance relationship. My chances of getting a visa to visit the United States were slim thanks to my criminal past. I’d have to bring Rae out as much as possible. She had school upon her return, and her family. As much as I wanted to steal her away, I knew there were others who loved and partly depended on her.

  “You’re awake,” a voice whispered, tearing me from my thoughts. I turned my attention on Rae. She turned her body to face me, and pressed her lips to mine in a chaste kiss.

  “There was work in club for me. Much to do for tonight,” I informed her as she peered into my eyes, almost as if she was in a trance of sorts, in thought.

  She wanted to speak, but the ringing of my cell phone broke the chains that held our connection. I groaned and leaned towards the bedside table to retrieve my phone, I didn’t know the number I saw on the screen, but answered it anyway.

  “Alexei,” the voice of Igor said in a low tone.

  “What do you want?” I spat in frustration, he had no business to call me. “If Vadim wants an answer—”

  “Shut up, there is not much time,” he insisted. I sat up in preparatio
n to hear him out. Rae shifted next to me, pulling the sheet over her naked torso, her hair flopped to the side, looking like a sex kitten. Igor needed to hurry, I had breakfast waiting. “I went to Vadim to persuade him in your favor. He is standing firm, and I’m afraid I might not be able to buy you time.”

  Why would Igor want to buy me time? Why would Igor have any stock in me? He and I hadn’t been friends in well over a year, I didn’t spend my time with him and I no longer considered him a brother as I once did.

  “Vadim is out for blood, he wants it shed and at your expense. I’m working on a plan. You are still my brother, and I won’t betray you in this way, never.” The line went dead. I didn’t understand what it all meant, and my head felt as if it wanted to explode.

  I knew Vadim didn’t like to be kept waiting and was not a person to allow betrayal in his midst. I’d betrayed him, and publicly, he wouldn’t stand for it. With a sigh, I pressed my face into my hands, eager for an answer to come to me. I’d promised my mother I’d never return to that life, I would never return to killing for a living, and I kept my promises.

  “What’s wrong?” Rae’s sweet voice asked her hand on my arm, rubbing it gently. No matter where I turned with her, her gentle spirit was there, keeping me in tune with the side of me I wanted to discover more of.

  From the moment I looked at her, I knew she saw the fire blazing in my eyes. I didn’t want to think about Vadim or his need for my blood on his hands. I only needed Rae, the person who accepted every part of me no matter how dark my past was. The past that was haunting me at every turn.

  My mouth attacked hers as I laid her down flat, my body came over hers. I instantly spread her legs and took her hands into mine, raising them over her head before breaking the heated kiss. She was under me, in a defenseless position, her chest heaving up and down and she didn’t know what to expect from me next.

  “I need to fuck you, Rae. I need it much. I need your pussy. Kisska, I have need for all of you, but I have fear of giving you hurt.” I needed her in such an animalistic way that I feared what my strength would do to her if I let myself go.